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| ALRIGHT, HERE IT IS, THE FULL UNCENSORED STORY BEHIND THE NOTORIOUS ONE, THE NASTY ONE, THE ONE THAT COST ME THE QUEEN'S FAVOUR! ONCE UPON A TIME, OR SIMPLY A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, I USED TO LIVE AND WORK IN CANTERBURY, ENGLAND. I HAD A SMALL ROOM IN ONE OF THOSE TRADITIONAL RED BRICK TERRACE HOUSES THAT ARE SO DIFFICULT TO DISTINGUISH FROM EACH OTHER. THE HOUSE WAS QUITE RUN DOWN AND BELONGED TO AN AVARICIOUS OLD GUY WHO TRIED REALLY HARD TO SQUEEZE THE VERY LAST PENNY OUT OF HIS TENANTS. NO WONDER HE OWNED HALF THE HOUSES IN OUR STREET AND A FEW MORE IN TOWN. OUR HOUSE LACKED MANY THINGS, ONE OF WHICH WAS A COMMON ROOM. SIMPLY BECAUSE ONE DAY OUR LANDLORD REALIZED THAT HE COULD MAKE ANOTHER 250 POUNDS A MONTH BY PUTTING AN ADDITIONAL BED INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND LETTING THAT ROOM AS WELL! WHAT A GUY! AT THE SAME TIME, AT ONE OF THE PLACES I WORKED AT AND FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE BRITISH MEDIA I GOT QUITE AN OVERDOSE OF THAT UNPLEASANTLY NATIONALISTIC WE-ARE-SO-MUCH-BETTER-THAN-EVERYBODY-ELSE THING. SO, HAVING ALREADY DECIDED TO FOLLOW IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THE FAMOUS POET CHAUCER, BY WRITING MY OWN SET OF CANTERBURY TALES, I CHOSE TO START WITH AN INNOCENT LITTLE SONG OF COUNTER-NATIONALISM, SO TO SPEAK. UNLIKE THE MAJORITY OF MY SONGS, THIS ONE WAS NEVER REALLY MEANT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY. I MEAN, HALF OF MY FAVOURITE WRITERS AND MUSICIANS ARE ENGLISH ANYWAY. IN FACT, THIS SONG WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN AS A LIGHT-HEARTED PIECE OF ENTERTAINMENT FOR MY HOUSEMATES IN CANTERBURY, MOSTLY FOREIGNERS, EACH IN HIS OR HER OWN WAY STRUGGLING WITH THE DOWNSIDES OF NOT ALWAYS SO GREAT BRITAIN. HERE COMES THE GOOD THING ABOUT OUR LITTLE HOUSE NOW. BECAUSE AS THERE WAS NO LIVING ROOM, WE MADE EACH NIGHT ANOTHER ROOM OUR COMMON ROOM, WHERE WE SAT TOGETHER TO SHARE FOOD, DRINKS, STORIES AND SONGS LIKE THIS ONE. SO IF YOU DON'T MIND A BIT OF POLITICALLY INCORRECT SATIRE, BE MY GUEST! OR, AS THE QUEEN PUT IT, "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"
WAITING IN SUPERMARKET QUEUES FOR HOURS DEAR FRIEND THEIR TV SUCKS BURNT MYSELF WITH THE HOT WATER TAP DEAR FRIEND COPYRIGHT 1999 ANDRE BOLLIER (SUISA) |
